London Fixed-gear and Single-speed SJS Cycles

just young, and invincible.

Saved 27 peoples lives when the pilot of the plane died from heart failure and I managed to get the plane down. Shame really that there where 53 people on board and that I crashed.

I once watched Chirs Carsh punch Al Alvarez and Keith Chegwin while snorting coke with Courtney Love/Cox-Arquette in Pete Docherty's bathroom having just flown from New York on Concord with Chris Crass who spent the whole journey fisting Joanna Lumley while discussing the film rights to his life with Woody/Lily Allen having spent the weekend at Martha's Vineyard with the band of the Coldstream Guards who wanted to change their name to the Band of the Chriss Cross Guards but couldn't because Elvis wouldn't let them because he is Chris' best friend and Sheldon Brown was their to get some advice off Crass and also to hold the easel for Lucian Freud who was doing a portrait of Crss for Sir Alan Sugar who'd long been Mr Cress' biggest fan since they met at a pool party Beyonce had thrown for CC's 12th birthday just after he'd married Elizabeth Taylor for the third time in a beautiful ceremony at Sir Richard Branson's villa on Necker where Cruise Crisps had been seen making out with the Andrews Sisters in a chair specially designed for the occasion by CropCircle Creel's great admirer Sir Terence Conran who had also offered Cries Craps a million quid if he's put his name to a new aftershave he was designing though Crack Cripple couldn't agree to that because he already had a contract with Coco Chanel who in fact had changed her name from Betty Chanel just so she could have the same initials as her muse Clap Cricket, the greatest railroad explorer of modern times and the inspiration for the book Diary of a Supertramp as well as being the man who wrote the words and music for Breakfast in America for his great chums Supertramp though that did make his secret gay lover Sir Elton John a little jealous but not as jealous as Sir Rod Stewart who had been pestering Cyst Cave for years with erotic text messages much to the annoyance of Christopher Cross who had followed Coco Chanel's lead in changing his name to reflect through the medium of initials his enormous love for the discoverer of a cure for cancer the eminent scientist Czar Cocks.

at least 8 lols before continuous laughter!

is there a best post ever thread?

Post it in the epic win!

My old biology teacher's mum shagged jimmy hendrix.

I went to school with Shed Seven.

I hung out with Redd Kross... We talked about The Carpenters, wholemeal bread and American Spring... Do I win?

I'm Daniel Radcliffe.

I'm Beth Ditto

In your dreams.

My head hurts. I feel unfulfilled.

Jodie Kidd was the voice of The Lady in the lake in a movie called Prince Valiant (also featuring Joanna Lumley, Edward Fox, Ron Pearlman and Katherine Heigl) that I and a bunch of my mates were extras in a few years back. She read her lines (off camera and from the script) so badly that it was cut from the film. No jokes about ending up on the cutting room floor, please.

I went to school with Shed 7. Beat that.

Hang on, I remember one.

I served Eddie the Eagle when I worked on the tills at Tesco.

How's about them fucking apples?

Once in W.H.Smith i picked a magazine up and these advertising leaflets fell out on to the floor.I put the magazine back on the rack and casually walked away.I turn 73 next week.

Happy birthday for next week.

I'm almost there, couple of more pies!

Mairead Nash (one half of Queens of Noise DJ's and Manager of Little Boots) used to walk my dog. How's that for a spicy meatball? Huh? Huhhh?

Actually I overplayed this. Alan Leech (the drummer) didn't go to my school.

I went to school with 3/4 of Shed 7.

I'd have loved to have been there for that

Were you one of those that got shed?

I ojnce played an inpromtu concert with the Manx Youth Orchestra in Moscow airport after we had missed our flight home.

INXS also watched us play in a park during the Munich festival.

i tripped over shane mcgowans foot.

Are sure it wasn't his head? :o)

he was sprawled out in the slimelight.

(ive heard this, as i did dont walk this earth) my mum used to baby sit timothy spall's children as they used to live in peakham back in the day and they his wife turned up at my parents wedding he was doing a german comedy series (afeed the same pet)
http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/pet/
:) we still have his number as it happenes hahahaaaa found this out about month ago kinda coool

ha, I was in a band with a bloke who was good mates with them, we used to get backstage at their gigs. Rick's sister chatted me up, as did a policewoman (not on duty) decent bunch of lads the 7, crap music though.

funny how my mate's original band beat shed 7 in some northern battle o't bands thing, yet they went down the swanny whilst shed 7 got "big"

^^reminds me of the Orgaziod. Did you do small jobs around the house for Peter?

I was sat at the usual spot waiting on a job last week. No one else around, just me smoking a tab.

This guys comes walking along and comes up to me and asks me for a quid. I was like, "sorry mate" padded my trousers to signal I had no cash. He sits down next to me and asks "can I have cig off you?"

With my tobacco sitting between us, I could hardly refuse.

He begins rolling and we get talking. I get a better look at him and he has his front teeth missing top and bottom, reminds me of Compo with his scruffy clothes and tammy hat.

We get talking and he asks if that is my bike. "aye, it is". "Do you cycling around the city on it?" "Aye, thats my job"

"I run... Im a runner, I run around the city". Im thinking, fair enough. We get talking more, he claims he could beat to the other side of town and queries if I could do 100m on my bike in 7-8 seconds, I think about it and recon it must be about that. He says "yeah me too, running though"

wow so he is a total nutter. He finishes rolling and I offer him a light, which he refuses and says he must dash. Keeping with his story, he runs out onto the road onto a central reservation. Then this blows me away, he takes off down the middle of a 4 lane road running full pelt.

I always run in the middle - if you stay on the pavement the peds get in your way too much.

"Cruise Crips" lol.

The Bill is currently being filmed downstairs in my house.

they filmed the bill in a pub i worked in, too.
we got free beer to play darts

I'm getting free money.

And a nice chat with Ian Wright's cousin who is 'living' in my house.

i saw angus deyton getting physio for a footy injury when i was doing observations. he was pretty reluctant to have anyone he didn't know in the room, esp after the press stuff. Pretty random

i also smashed my bedroom window from the inside with a golf ball. It was raining outside i wanted to practice. It was great contact, maybe a little tooooooo great

It's almost as if he had an expectation of privacy.

i know right, some people!!!

Peter O'Toole once blagged a bang on my spliff at a 'Goa' night Amnesia in '91. I could hardly say no, now could I?

<waits for pistanator to arrive>

Did you check your pockets for your wallet?

Had a chat a couple of weeks ago with zane lowe at a fuck buttons/clark gig.

I once fucked Zoe Ball's cousin.
She was proper mucky.
She told me her uncle was Johnny Ball.
She said think of a number.
I said 69.
Of course.
We went round the back of a nightclub in Batley.
She was wearing a catsuit (1993 era), so she took the whole thing off.
I gave her one on a railway embankment.
I couldn't cum.
I'd had too much booze.
She said, "I'm going to make you cum if it kills me!"
She made me cum.
It nearly killed me.

Can't remember her name though.
I'm a proper gent, me.

And they say romance is dead.

I met Baby (Peter) Ford in the gardening club at one of Harveys nights at Gardening club.
Also blagged my way into the d.j booth at the Hacienda and sycophantically told Farley Jackmaster Funk he was God, (or words to that effect)
Nothing compared to Lucifers post though.................

Richard Herring (hooray!)and Andrew Collings (stop interrupting!) sat in for Adam and Joe on 6music last Saturday and they did a very funny thing about meeting your heros. Johnny Ball was featured and was revealed to be every bit as lovely as he appeared on telly.

Is this now the official "my brush with celebrity thread"?

He used to come int the offy I worked in and ask for a bottle of the pink fizzy stuff every coupla days.

We later found out that he was banging some hooker around the corner from us for months on end, told the paper he only met her once.

On the flight last night the girl next to me said "I'm going to vomit on this flight, I'm good at it, just giving you a heads up" she preceded to vomit for 3 hours, hardly made a sound, and never missed the bag.

life skills.