Upcoming: Fixed #2 Launch Party, LFGSS Xmas Party
| Upcoming: Fixed #2 Launch Party, LFGSS Xmas Party |
 9th August 2008 | #112 |
| | two parrots sitting on a perch. one says to the other, "can you smell fish"? two cannibals chewing on a clown. one says to the other , "does this taste funny to you?" two goldfish sitting in a tank. one says to the other, "how do you drive this thing?" two cows standing in a field, one says to the other, "Mooooo" and the other one says "that's funny, i was about to say that". |
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| 9th August 2008 | #113 | ||
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but keeping the same gag going, and then: Quote:
Last edited by deadly fanny pack; 9th August 2008 at 21:25.. Reason: Appropriate Censorship | ||
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| 13th August 2008 | #117 |
 | Work starts on a new house next door to six-year-old Jenny's house. The little girl becomes fascinated by the activities and soon becomes a favourite of the building workers. They give her a hard-hat of her own, and a little tool belt and she enjoys helping them out, carrying tools for them and generally making herself useful. When Friday comes around, they all chip in to give her a pay-packet of her own, which she proudly takes home to Mum and Dad. They tell her that since she's earned her very first wages that she should learn about responsibility for her finances and that they'll take her to the bank in the morning to open an account of her own. Next day, they are in the bank and explain the situation, the teller is very impressed by Jenny, her sensible attitude and her hard work and says: "And will you be working on the house again next week Jenny?" She replies: "I hope so, but to be fair, it all depends on if those cunts at the builders' merchants can get their fucking act together and ship us the right bricks." |
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| 13th August 2008 | #119 | |
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it's a good 'un... | |
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| 22nd August 2008 | #121 |
 | [SIZE=2]Two Ladies Talking in Heaven 1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda. 2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die? 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible! 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? 2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. 1st woman: So, what happened? 2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. 1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive. [/SIZE] |
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| 25th August 2008 | #126 |
| | Did you hear about the dyslexic man, he went to a toga party dressed as a goat. Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening it, there is the same little Japanese thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him; "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to? The little Japanese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard and says... (Get your Japanese accent ready...) "You not Nissan Main Dealer?" |
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| 2nd September 2008 | #134 |
 | Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have suffered particularly horrible deaths. So, what's your story?" The first man replies: "Well, for weeks now I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to catch her in the act. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could sense something was wrong, but all my searching didn't reveal where this other guy could be hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground. By now I was really mad, so I started beating and kicking him, but he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes and survived. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, pushed our old refridgerator over the edge, where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning when I was stretching my legs on the railing, somehow I slipped and fell over the edge. But I got lucky and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor beneath me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fe |
